#26 - You don’t find fulfilment in relationships

1- Topic of the week

As I was redoing my happiness & fulfilment program, I re-encounter something that is pretty known in ancient wisdom but that is often not well understood. Relationships don’t fulfil you. They are the beautiful outlet of the fulfilment you already have.

In our societies, we are often sold the dream of finding the person that will make us complete. We are pretty brainwashed. We feel like we need our other half, while we are actually already complete. The result is that people enter a relationship from a place of neediness. They need the other to fill something they think they lack. This creates a lot of expectations, pressure and projections onto the other person and can leave people pretty miserable.

It is true for any kind of relationship. You need to find your fulfilment and use the relationship as the outlet of your fulfilment.

I’m no saint, I do it a lot. I sometimes enter a relationship out of ego. Out of looking cool, or important, or successful. This is why I like to often think to myself: “am I really liking this person for who she/he is, or am I projecting a lack and using them to fill it?”. This is also why I think it’s sound to spend time with yourself and observe how fulfilled you are when you are alone. This is why I’ll do a 10-day silent retreat (Vipassana) end of February.

When you find fulfilment from within, then you are in that relationship by choice. To give, not to take. You’re not attached because you don’t need the other, so you don’t feel like you need to restrict their freedom or possess them in any way. You let things be and this is what makes relationships beautiful.

So if you feel bad and think a relationship is the answer, you’re looking in the wrong place. It may relieve you for a time, but will be just a short-term fix. Better look within.

If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.
— Osho

2- Great content of the week

Who else than Eckhart Tolle, the rockstar of consciousness, to talk about this subject. Here is a quick video (less than 10 min). He doesn’t look like it but he’s pretty funny. As you know, The Power of Now has changed my life and the one of many others and it’s by far the book I’ve gifted the most… Just in case you haven’t read it yet.

3- Challenge of the week

Think of someone you love and think about the need they fulfil in your life. Don’t feel bad about it. We’re human. Just be aware that they are fulfilling this need. Awareness is always the first step to improvement.

These are not easy subjects so I’m always happy to discuss. It’s fine to disagree. You can do it on Slack > #weekly_newsletter or contact me.

4- UNLOCKT news

This week, I’ve worked a bit on redoing the Nutrition & Energy Program. Such an important topic.

I’ve also had a podcast with a beautiful soul I met when visiting an orphanage in Bali, Lucy. She is next level in terms of morning routines and manifesting her dream life. We had a Balinese-style interview, i.e with a pool and coconuts 😛

💌 Love,
Alex